COMPONENTS OF SOCIAL SKILLS

PARALINGUISTIC COMPONENTS OF SOCIAL SKILLS

Latency

Latency is defined as the time that elapses between the end of the sentence issued by a partner
and the beginning of another by another partner.

Ideal to make the conversation smooth and comfortable for all participants, i.e. leave others to
finish their sentences before about us

Volume

It is the situation that determines the most appropriate volume, although the trend that must guide
us always is not to shout, but at the same time get us you hear with clarity.

THREE BASIC STYLES OF INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIOR: INHIBITED,
AGGRESSIVE AND ASSERTIVE.

Non-assertive behavior: inhibition and "AGGRESSIVENESS"

INHIBITED BEHAVIOR

Submission, passivity, shyness, tendency to adapt too to external rules or wishes of others,
without quite taking into account their interests, feelings and desires
• The advantage of being a passive person is that they rarely get a direct rejection by
others.
• The disadvantage is that others take advantage of one and one ends up accumulating a
burden of resentment and unrest.

“AGGRESSIVE" BEHAVIOR

Non-assertive behavior, opposite of the inhibition.
Not respecting the rights, feelings and interests of others.
In its most extreme form includes: offending, provoking or attacking.

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR: "I HAVE RIGHTS, SO DO YOU"

Exercise

Tell if the answer in the following examples is assertive, inhibited or aggressive:

1. Your neighbor tends to have the radio on high volume into the wee hours of the night,
and not letting you sleep. You have warned him repeatedly but he doesn’t pay much
attention to you.
It is better that I just take it and not say anything because he could get angry.

2. You are dining in a family house and the host insists that you repeat another dish, but you
no longer wish to eat more.
I really appreciate it, but I don't want more

3. A good friend tells you she is very angry with another common friend. You do not wish
to intervene in this and say:
I'm not interested in your problems.

4. Your partner has criticized you for something that do not seem to be justified.
I don't see it like that. but thank you for telling me what you think.

5. You are in a cinema queue. Someone is moving forward and tries to sneak ahead.
Who do you think you are? Cheeky! Are taking us for fools? Leave right now or...

6. The director has called you to congratulate you on a pretty expensive job you've done.
You answer him:
It has quite a few bugs. It is not as good as I wanted to.

The 10 most frequent your social relations errors

1. Relating everything to yourself
Tip: If you find yourself doing it, stop and focus your attention on your partner again. Perhaps
you're depriving some pleasure, but to give him the opportunity to talk about himself and feeling
good, and emotions are associated with people and situations.

2. Do not reveal private information
Not to mention your weaknesses and try to show you too perfect also is negative.
Tip: Confess a weakness of yours at the beginning and you will results closer and appealing. For
example, if you are at an event with many people and you're nervous, it can be very useful that
you're sincere and tell the person who you just know that this type of events make you feel
somewhat nervous and trying to seem too perfect is also negative.

3. Make too many closed questions
Tip: to keep the conversation flowing, try to ask why and how to deepen the first responses of
your partner.

4. Avoid touching the person who you speak with.
Tip: do not avoid contact. Uses a subtle touch on the shoulder or the upper part of the forearm of
your partner to support your emotions and improve communication, but do not overdo or it will
be uncomfortable.

5. Do not ask his name at the beginning
Tip: don’t take too long to introduce yourself and ask him his name. Both knowing your names
only has advantages.

6. Forget to smile
Tip: Remember that all this works when the smile is perceived as sincere (Duchenne smile). In
any case it is good idea to smile when you meet someone, but monitor that you are not staying
with that expression all the time.

7. Cross you arms
Tip: Although it may be hard and does not seem to you "natural", try to remain with arms
crossed the shortest possible time when you want to make a good impression on someone. If you
want to show rejection, cross them.

8. Point with your feet towards the other side
Tip: If you want to make someone feel that she has your full attention, spend a minute thinking
about what you are doing with your feet. Most charismatic people devoted their attention to their
public and their position does not reveal that they do not want to be there.

9. Not expressing how you feel
Tip: If you want to multiply your social skills, use emotional communication and stop giving
your opinions as if they were the absolute truth. Talk about your feelings and what you believe.

10. Not cuting a conversation that is dying
Tip: It is the last memory is that prevails, ideally finish a conversation when it still has rhythm
and fun. Excuse yourself saying that it has been great, but you have other things to do, and that
you would like to continue the conversation at a later date. The other person will wait for your
next meeting with more enthusiasm.

Silvia Asencio
Psychologist