WHAT ARE SOCIAL SKILLS?

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE:

A set of behaviours, thoughts and emotions that increase our ability to:

• maintain satisfactory relationships
• feel good
• obtain what we want
• that others do not prevent us from achieving our objectives

Main areas of social skills: EMPATHY AND ASSERTIVENESS

EMPATHY
To empathize is put yourself in somebody else’s shoes, understand and comprehend its views,
circumstances and feelings without having to identify ourselves with it.

But it is not enough to understand and comprehend, it is very important to make the other feel
understood, for what we use phrases like: "I can imagine how you feel", "I understand you"...

To empathize, we have to follow three steps:

• The first step will be to observe the non-verbal behavior: we will discuss what our
interlocutor, consciously or unconsciously conveys through his gestures and movements.
• The second step is to carry out a good listening.
• The third, and last step is to empathize, is to understand and demonstrate that we
have understood: for example we can say: "I understand perfectly your discomfort."
Always tuning in with their emotion.

The components of social skills are:

• Verbal components: make reference to the content of the conversation, which is the tool
that we usually use to relate to other people.

• Paralinguisticos components: under this term encompasses aspects such as tone of
voice, the fluidity and speed of speech, which modulate the content.

• Non-verbal components: variables such as facial expression, gestures, gaze, the
interpersonal distance. they are communication themselves, and at the same time change
and/or they clarify the content of a message.

Examples of non-verbal components:

• Eye contact
• Facial expressions
• Smile
• Body position/orientation
• Gestures
• Interpersonal distance
• Physical contact
• Personal appearance

Eye contact

Several studies support the fact that socially competent people usually look at the upper half
of the face of the speaker, including the eyes. The fact that the person who looks more,
provokes more communicative response in others is common.

When we are listening, not to look can be interpreted as lack of interest, distraction and
hurry. In general is an invitation to the other so you stop talking.

Facial expressions

The expressions of the face are probably the variable that we see more information of the
emotions of our partners;
The main function of the facial expressiveness is:

Indicate emotions: cross-cultural studies have shown that there are six basic emotions:

• joy
• surprise
• sadness
• fear
• anger
• disgust/contempt

The facial expressions of these emotions are common to all cultures, and innate, that is, we are
born with the ability to emit them, we do not have to show how to do it.

Smile

In general, the smile is the hallmark of pleasant and positive emotions, although it is not always
the case. The smile has a high communicative value, since it can be used with many objectives.

• Regulate a conversation: smile is a way to start a conversation, preparing for the
intervention itself or to invite the person to start talking.
• Gesture of courtesy, to shake hands, to say good bye, etc.
• Express positive emotions: joy, pleasure, fun, excitement and relief
• Mask negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, anger, disgust or fear.
• Express embarrassment or shame
• Flirt

Body posture

The position of our bodies when we communicate, can be as much or more communicative than
the verbal content.

• Approach: the inclination towards the front of the body is sign that we are paying
attention and we're interested in what the other person says.
• Removal: when a communicative situation not us interested, we return the body
backwards, or even remove it.
• Contraction: the body is retracted about himself. It is a reflex posture of depression, State
of low mood, withdrawal and/or insecurity.
• Anger: when we are angry we tend to tilt the body forward and tighten the cuffs.

Silvia Asencio
Psychologist